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Articles by RSD
Obliterate Your Fear of Meeting Women
By Jeffy "Jlaix", Executive Coach for Real Social Dynamics
Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is the
concept of social pressure.
Unless you've been living in a cave for your entire life, you're
intimately familiar with what I'm talking about here.
The term "social pressure" encompasses a pretty broad range of
experiences, most all of which are unpleasant in one way or
another. Basically, this can mean any social situation where you
feel uncomfortable.
We're exposed to social pressure from a very young age. Remember
your first day in kindergarten? Everything was unfamiliar, you
didn't know anyone. Maybe a group of first graders started
talking smack, calling you a weiner or something. Sounds funny
now, but at the time, it was almost paralyzing.
So here we are, decades later. You're an adult now. Everyone
is nice and civil now. Those feelings of exclusion are a thing
of the past.
Yeah RIGHT!
The fact of the matter is, we still experience social pressure
almost every day. It's just a little more complex than being
called childish names such as "weiner". In most cases,
anyway...
You're at the bar. You approach the girl you want. Suddenly, the
three steroid guys she's there with are up in your face, making
mad aggressive comments about your appearance, grabbing at you.
Blech! You can feel something inside you just sort of shrivel
up and retreat.
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Master State Control to Attract Women Immediately"
By Jeffy "Jlaix", Executive Coach for Real Social Dynamics
Hi, Friend.
I've been getting into baseball lately.
For most of my life I haven't been a big sports fan, but
recently I started going to SBC Park here in San Francisco to
watch the Giants play. The main reason? One of my girls has
season tickets.
One thing I noticed about the ballpark is that it's literally
CRAWLING with babes.
I'm not even kidding, it's like a massive nightclub that
holds 40,000 people, and there's all these hot girls running
around with painted-on jeans and little half-shirts.
Half the time, I don't even watch the game, I just walk around
and do pickup. So, this is something you might wanna check out.
Anyways, I find it pretty amazing how these baseball players
can hit this little ball that's hurtling at them at 100 miles
an hour.
I was reading some article about this on the plane the other
day, they were interviewing the top hitters about what it takes
to do this.
A recurring idea that the players talked about was "seeing the
ball".
They said that on good days, they can focus on the pitch and
they actually see the ball coming down the pipe as though it
was slowed down.
Their brains are just so focused and processing so efficiently
that "time slows down" and they can see everything happening
more clearly.
Reading this reminded me of what it's like when I "hit state" in
the field.
You know what I'm talking about, when you have one of those
nights where everything is just hitting, you're firing on all
cylinders, everything you say is money and your rhythm and
timing are perfect.
With mastery of state control, you'd be scoring more home runs
than Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi put together... no injections
required!
When you're in state you can do no wrong. It's something we've
been exploring lately: what is "state", and how exactly does it
affect the mind and body?
More importantly, how does it affect your game?
Sometimes, you just aren't feeling it. You can't be in perfect
state all the time...
...or can you?
I know that when I'm NOT in state, there is a DISTINCT effect.
My body gets flooded with adrenaline, I feel nervous, sweaty,
and sorta sick. I might even get approach freeze, in extreme
scenarios. This is, basically, the old 'fight or flight'
response kicking in.
There's an opposite condition in the field of
psychoneuroimmunology called the relaxation response. It's
characterized by a reduction in blood pressure, heart rate,
respiration, perspiration, and an increased immune response.
In other words, a good attitude can actually heal serious
ailments. There are numerous cases where patients have recovered
from cancer having been provided with nothing but placebos. They
expected to get better, and as a result, they did.
State control is the variable which more than anything else
determines the quality of your game, particularly in the face
of overwhelming social pressure. The term "state" here refers
to the way you feel both physically and mentally when presented
with a challenge.
The challenge itself is irrelevant. You might be sick with a
cold, in a club that's louder than an F-16 taking off,
approaching a "10" who's surrounded by five tall, rich-looking
gorillas.
The key lies in your perception of the scenario.
See, how you perceive things will ultimately dictate the QUALITY
of your game, and your state at any given will invariably
determine your perceptions. So... when you can control your state
you control how good your response will be.
This is what lies at the heart of the whole "inner game" issue.
It's ironic, because by worrying about this stuff, you
practically guarantee your failure. It's the old Pygmalion
effect.
In the Greek myth, Pygmalion was a sculptor who created a female
statue and wanted so badly for it to be real that, with the help
of Aphrodite, the statue came to life.
What psychologists now refer to as the Pygmalion Effect is
essentially a self-fulfilling prophecy. What we expect tends to
come true.
Even if that expectation isn't accurate, we will act
in ways consistent with the expected outcome, and in the
process our entire physiology and speech reflect this.
People have a tendency to respond by adjusting their
behavior to match ours. The end result is the expectation
becomes true.
I see this all the time when I'm in the field with newbies.
I'll tell them to open a set, and I can already see them cycling
through failure scenarios in their head.
Then they meekly approach the set and squeek out their
opener; nine times out of ten the target has to ask them to
repeat it because it was inaudible, then they give some
noncommittal answer.
These guys will then stutter and deliver a follow-up routine,
then stand there with insecure, needy body language, waiting
for the girl to say something.
Can you guess what happens next?
They get BLOWN THE HELL OUT.
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